Lotus in the mud (Iroha x Lenka)
by AshleyLingWrites
Summary: A retelling of episode 10 of the anime. Iroha always felt, knew that the weeping child which drew her attention in front of Fenrir's gates saved her family. They were far enough from the aragami's attacks and she knew that the child saved her. Little did she know, the debt would be repaid in the future at great cost.


"Is this what you do to people?" Iroha watches as her father crumbled to the ground, knees shaking, and fingers clenched into fists, hitting the ground as hard as he could. Iroha was barely five years old and could only watch as adults around her cried, yelled and scream in desperation. Soldiers stood ram-rod straight in front of the heavy metal doors and watched, but Iroha couldn't understand the situation she was in. She didn't know why only a few were allowed to enter in, while her family and some others were left in the cold with those…. _Monsters_.

"Dad." She spoke. Her father who was kneeling on the ground with tears in his eyes looked up, composing himself as his face was now a careful calm with a smile which hid the desperation and despair he felt for his family. "Oh, sorry, Iroha." He says, the glasses falling slightly on the bridge of his nose. Iroha blinks, shaking her head. Iroha turns her head to the side, eyes only focused on that small silhouette and the cries ringing in her ear. "No, look – that." She pointed to her left, in the far-off distance which crumbling buildings surrounded pools of mud and sand from the earlier heavy rain. In the center of a pool of water, was…

"A child?" Her father whispers and Iroha only stares at the abandoned child in the far-off distance. Crying, weeping, small frail arms wobbling in the air as it was only covered in a thin blue cloth, surrounded by a puddle of water. Iroha runs towards the crying child, her heart beating fast – she didn't know why, but she knew she wanted to stop the child from crying, from hurting. As she approached the child, now far away from the yelling and angered adults as they stood in front of the gates of Fenrir's Far East Branch, Iroha stared at short black strands of hair and raven black eyebrows. The child was so small, so fragile…. And as it cried Iroha could only furrow her eyebrows. "This child…" Her father said from behind her, footsteps slow and steady. "You don't think…?" Her mother said, now beside her in a crouch, her long brunette hair covering the sides of her beautiful porcelain face. Her parents exchanged glances, worry on their faces.

"Aragami!" The yell was loud and clear, screaming already echoing in the distance. Her parents immediately turn their heads, calm turned into panicked and hastiness. Blood splattered on the gates, the crimson red stained the gold emblem of the wolf, Fenrir, _humanity's last hope_. Iroha is picked up in her mother's arms at the first scream, a reflex movement – and Iroha tightens her arms around her mother's neck. Iroha doesn't avert her eyes away from the crying child on the ground, no – she didn't want to leave him.

"Dear!" Her mother yells, her father watching in horror as the people they travelled with from the past few months, the people who survived the horrors of reality and survived from those numerous attacks by those monsters, were teared apart limb by limb and now a mess of blood and bones as they rest on the gates of Fenrir, their last _hope_ which abandoned them in a heartbeat and left them to die moments later. The crying child cries louder, sobbing as its small hands moved up and down in a frenzy; as if the child was telling us not to leave him, to not run away. Iroha watched, her father turning his gaze towards the child, his careful hardened eyes calculating. Should they take the child in even when they themselves had no hope for survival? Her father's eyes whirled, realizing the burden the child would be when he already had to look out for his young daughter. But he clenched his fists, scowling. Without a second thought, her father scrambled to the crying child, taking the child into his arms.

"Let's go!" Her father says, a look of determination and strength. He exchanges a glance with his wife, the two only nodding as they ran, both holding onto a child respectively. Iroha watched as her mother carried her, sprinting into a run. The small child in her father's arms continued to cry but she turned her head back, a frenzy of Aragami and bodies on the other side of the area. Iroha didn't quite understand back then, she was too young – but she knew, she felt it, was sure of it – that small child _saved_ her family, and little did she knew the debt would be to repay in due time.

* * *

"What do we do now?" Her mother asks, sitting on the wooden stairs of the abandoned church. A broken statue of a woman in the far corner, a god – but Iroha knew better. There were no gods in this world anymore, humanity was forsaken by a cruel destiny and a fate to be devoured by monsters. Iroha turns her head, eyes blinking in curiosity as the small child in her mother's arms looked right at her. The child was no longer crying, but instead… smiling. The child had large green eyes, a color of dark swamp waters and seaweed. The child looked at her with utmost curiosity, taking her larger fingers in his small palms. She blinked, then when the child tightened his palm around her finger, Iroha smiled wide, cheeks now flushing with excitement and happiness. The child smiled, holding her finger in his arm like a toy. Iroha smiled even wider, the two children laughing.

"Look at you two." Her mother says, smiling as well. "Dear." Her father's serious voice speaks, eyebrows furrowed. "If we abandon this child, we're no better than them." Iroha and her mother blink, an expression of surprise slowly morphing into gentle kindness as her mother cradles the child in her arms. "What shall we name him?" Her mother asks, a reply of understanding. Iroha's eyes widened, looking at her mother. She blinks, remembering the book in her bag, her most prized possession. The child stared at her and Iroha only got up from her seat, determined. "Can I pick a name?" She asks, looking at her parents with determination. They exchange surprised glances but smile a second later. "Of course." Her father says. "From today onwards you're a big sister." Her mother says, gently smiling. Happiness filled Iroha's eyes as she smiled, rushing to her bag and opening it to reveal a hard and thick book. The cover of the book was covered in daisies and peonies, bold lettering of 'Seasonal Plant Picture Book' written on the top.

"I know what to name him." Iroha says, turning the picture book in haste. Her mother cocks her head slightly, scooting closer to see her book. She finds the page she so vividly remembers, a flower of pink and white seated in a puddle of water, like the small child in her mother's arms a few moments ago. "This." She says, pointing to the flower. Her mother raises an eyebrow, confused. She points closer to the beautiful pink flower with vibrant and large green leaves on top of the rippling water.

"Lenka." Iroha says, staring at the small child's glassy green eyes.

….

A scream rattled in her ears, Iroha turning her head so fast that her shoulder-length brown hair swirled. "Aragami!" She hears the scream, watching as a large creature with scaly skin and a skeleton like head attack a man, crimson blood splattered across the ground. Iroha's eyes widened, her gaze immediately turning to a boy with spiky black hair, now trembling on the ground with fear. His baseball bat was strapped to his back, but he showed no movement of reaching for it even though he was only a few inches away from the aragami. His face contorted in fear, sweat sliding off his forehead. "Lenka!" Iroha screamed, legs already running towards the boy. The boy struggles to get away from the monster in front of him, his knees buckling with fear. Iroha is shaking the boy's shoulders, rattling him to look at her, for swamp green eyes to recognize her. "Get up!" She yells, pulling his weight off the ground but her attention is focused on the on the man yelling for help as its body is torn open by razor-sharp teeth. He screams in pain, his eyes staring right at Iroha but she trembles, fear evident on her face.

 _We're going to die._

It was the only thought running through Iroha's head as she watches blood drip off the Aragami's teeth, its eyes already piercing through Iroha's eyes. Iroha clenches her teeth, shaking. Then she realizes…

 _Lenka will die too._

That thought drives her to clench her teeth even further, her hands desperately pulling the boy to his feet. Adrenaline pushing through her system, the fear and morbid memory still fresh in her mind. "We have to run, hurry!" She yells, watching as tears drip down Lenka's eyes. She clenches his hand in hers, already turning the other direction as she drags him, sprinting into a run. Lenka turns his head, a sneaker falling from his feet. His eyes never leave the bloodied bodies on the ground until they're too far to recognize.

They reach a lake with clear water, both panting heavily and scared to their bones. Iroha turns her head to the boy, asking "Lenka, are you okay?". Her eyes widen in surprise, shoulders slumping as she sees the tears sliding down the boy's face. His eyebrows are furrowed, his sobs uncontrollable. "Everyone… everyone is dead." He says, wiping away at the tears. Iroha bites her lower lip, averting her gaze. She slumps her shoulders and realizes the bruised left foot of the boy. She brings him into the shallow lake, crouching down as she cleans his dirtied foot in the water. Lenka's cries stop, now replaced by saddened eyes. "Nee-chan, will we all be eaten by aragami?" He asks, innocently. Iroha blinks, looking up at the boy. "Is there something you want to do when you grow up?" She asks, smiling. "Huh?" Iroha continues cleaning the wound on his foot. "They say this world was filled with flowers and trees long ago. But the aragami have eaten them all up and there's barely any left." She says, remembering the flowers and plants she read about in her picture book, the vibrant colors of red, yellow, blue, purple and green; the shapes and sizes of petals and leaves – all so beautiful, so perfect. "My dream… is to someday restore flowers and trees in this world." It was true. She dreamt of one day being able to bathe in sunlight and sleep in a bed of soft red tulips. She dreamt of luscious red apples on top of large green trees and soft, juicy tomatoes on the ground. She loved flowers, she was passionate and was immersed in the world of greenery, a world which no longer existed. "And there will be families… laughing together." Most importantly, she dreamt that in the field on roses and the bright sunlight in the sky, the black haired boy would be there alongside her parents… laughing – like there was peace and monsters did not kill and devour them.

"And you, Lenka? What do you want to do?" Lenka perks an eyebrow. He gazes into his own reflection in the lake. "I… I want to become strong." Iroha blinks, surprised. "So I can protect everyone." Iroha smiles, staring at the boy. Lenka was always selfless, always thinking of others before himself, the heart he had occupied too much space in this small chest – and Iroha wondered if he had ever put himself first at all in his life. She looks down at the lake, smiling. "Is that so?" Green eyes stare into hers. "Then we have to get through this alive, don't we?" She says, the boy nodding in return. The two smile, content with their dreams even in a world of despair. Though their focus is pulled away when they hear a loud growl, an aragami across the lake. Its bloodied fangs drip blood onto the pebbles, its scaly and long tail swiping at the ground as it looked at them, its _snack_. Iroha's eyes widened, already pushing Lenka behind her, her arms protectively around him. She bites her lower lip, realizing that they were surrounded by not one, but two aragami. The monsters crawl closer to them, Iroha scowling and pulling a knife from her pocket. She knows how to use it, she knows how to slice into flesh with that razor sharp blade; she didn't like the idea of hurting others, but if it was to survive, to protect Lenka, she would do it. Lenka's lip trembled, fear in his eyes. Iroha scoots Lenka further behind her, but Lenka's trembling stop as his eyes hardened, watching his big sister wield the knife in her frail hands. He furrows his eyebrows, determined as he pulls the baseball bat strapped to his back, both hands now wielding onto it. He lunges in front of Iroha, a scowl on his scared face. "Lenka!" Iroha yells. Lenka doesn't budge, choosing to stand his ground as an aragami charges towards them, teeth glimmering in the light. It charges right at Lenka, throwing the boy off balance as he falls into the lake. Iroha yells for him, watching as Lenka is now sitting in the lake, inches away from the Aragami's hungry snarling teeth. Iroha doesn't breathe, her hands shaking as he stares – Lenka would die, the boy she grew up with would die protecting her, _her_.

A large blade cuts through the aragami like butter, the whirling sound of the mechanics of the God Arc blaring to life. The ogretail falls to the ground, now a lump of blood and flesh. Lenka only stares at the emblem of the wolf, a man with black hair now in front of him wielding a God Arc. Iroha doesn't move from her spot, in awe as the man whirls and jumps easily slicing through the flesh of aragami. The man is done in barely a minute, taking a big breath of his cigarette as he exhales. "Just in the nick of time." The man says.

* * *

Lenka watches as the man in the uniform talks with his father, their conversation too quiet for him to comprehend. The man hands something to his father, then turning the other way. Lenka blinks, realization dawning on him. His feet move on his own, scrambling towards the tall man. "Can I become strong enough to take down aragami?!" Lenka asks, the man turning his head back. The man crouches down to Lenka's height, carefully staring into his eyes. "Hey kid, what do you think strength is for?" He asks. Lenka's eyes widen slightly and his eyes turn into determination. "To protect everyone else." Lenka replies. The tall man smiles, brimming with satisfaction.

"Lenka!" Iroha yells, running over to the two. The man turns his head to see Iroha slamming her foot into a large rock, stumbling to the ground. Iroha prepares herself for the impact but the man catches her in his arms easily. Iroha's eyes tremble only to open a few moments later, cheeks flushed as she stares into the man's handsome features. "Are you okay?" The man asks, Iroha stumbles for an answer. "I-I'm fine." She replies, still in the man's arms. Lenka frowns, his cheeks puffed with air as he squints his eyes. His cheeks are slightly red, but his gaze is pure dissatisfaction as he purses his lips together, scowling. Iroha notices the expression on Lenka and gets up from the man's arms. "What is it Lenka? You're blushing." She says. Lenka averts his gaze, turning away. "I-I'm not blushing.." He replies. Iroha smirks, walking over to the boy with a sly grin. "Are you jealous?" She asks, leaning towards Lenka. "No!" Lenka yells, cheeks albeit still red. Iroha smiled, Lenka couldn't lie to her. She knew all too well of the boy she grew up with for eight years. She knew him in ways he didn't. She knew that Lenka was a selfless boy with a big heart to protect everyone, especially her. Iroha noticed too often, that Lenka strived to protect her even though she was usually the one protecting him.

"You're very close, are you siblings?" The man asks, smiling at the two of them. "Yes, I'm Utsugi Iroha. Lenka's older sister." The words on her mouth sound easy and practiced, but she didn't know if she was convinced herself. Lenka wasn't her brother, by blood no… and she sometimes asked herself would things be different if Lenka knew the truth and didn't think she was his _sister_. "Thank you for saving us." Iroha says, bowing her head together with Lenka. She cocks her head, figuring out what to say next. "I'm Amamiya Lindow." The man says with a warm smile as if knowing she wanted to ask his name. The man hands her a compass, telling her to always go in the right direction before he drove off. Iroha smiled, waving him off as she said, "Lindow-san, huh? He's such a nice person." She says. She turns her head, expecting a blushing and frowning Lenka from her remark. She knew Lenka was overprotective of her and most of the time, she wondered if it was because she was his sister or….

"Still jealous?" She asks playfully, noticing the red cheeks on Lenka's face. He coughs, shoulders trembling before her eyes widened. "No way… Lenka?" She says, watching in fear as Lenka's body trembles to the ground.

* * *

Iroha stares at the small ampoule in her hand. The transparent concentrated liquid despite its small size feels so heavy in her palms, like the weight of the world. How could this happen? Why did they have to choose? Why? Why this? She watched as an unconscious Lenka laid beside her mother, his pants ragged and heavy. Her mother was so thin and fragile, her beautiful face now hugging only bones and rags. She bit her lower lip, hands trembling as she watched her mother's breathing. What did they do to deserve this? Why were they given this cruel fate to choose between life and death between loved ones?

If she administered the medicine to her beloved mother, Lenka would die; and if not – the other way around. There was no happy ending, she had to _choose_ between them.

"Dear, administer the medicine to Lenka." Her mother said, barely getting up from the ground. Iroha kneels on the ground, beside her father, a face of worry and despair. "Mom!" Iroha yells, calling out to her frail voice. She coughs, "What on earth are you saying?" Her father replies. She only smiles, looking down at the sleeping young boy. "Do the test on him." Her mother says, and Iroha watches as her father grabs a small piece of paper and attaches it to Lenka's arm. It turns a faded orange color when removed, and Iroha and her father only stare in disbelief.

Lenka had the capability to be a God Eater. Lenka, the young boy she grew up and thought of as a brother to…. He had a chance at survival in this God-forsaken world. Iroha only blinked, not knowing if it was a bless or a cursing. Lenka could survive but that meant… He would be separated from them, from _her_. "It's decided then." Her mother says. Iroha yells, "Mother! Enough!". Her eyes are swelling with salty tears, her fingers curled into fists. No, she didn't want to do this. To choose. To abandon her mother for the sake of Lenka living. She wanted her dream to come true, she wanted for her family to be in a field of flowers together, happy, peaceful. She didn't dare envision breaking that dream, it was her only hope in this cruel world. "Iroha." Her mother's voice is sweet and calm despite deciding death for herself. "No." Iroha yells, tears streaming down her face. "No! I want all of us to one day live in a world without aragami!" She yells, tears clouding her vision as she sobs. She wanted to believe, to dream that one day it would come. Peace would come. "Lenka has a future. A future that might overturn our world. Let him live, that's my only wish." Iroha only sobs harder, the pain in her chest amplifying. She didn't want her mother to die, but she didn't want Lenka to die either. She didn't want to choose, no; please, she would do anything but this. Iroha clenched her teeth, she prayed for a miracle, she begged for mercy – she begged for both of her family to live.

"Iroha, be strong." Iroha sobs. "it's no use praying to a god who abandoned us in this world." Iroha clenches her fists as she takes the ampoule in her hands again. She sobs, breathing hitched as she points the needle into Lenka's flesh, watching as the medicine slowly disappears. Her mother smiles, a hand on her shoulder as she sobs harder, tears now rolling down onto Lenka's face. "Iroha, I hope your dream will come true." Her mother's sweet voice cooed. Iroha only cried harder, this time her father did as well. She didn't want to leave her mother, she didn't want to live in a world without her. There were no gods to hear her prayers, no miracle to save her mother.

There was only the option of choosing among the bad ones in a world of survival.

* * *

The sunset was beautiful, the only source of peace and serenity in a world of chaos and destruction. The red and orange sky, stunning against abandoned buildings and broken pavement. Iroha sighs, her shoulder-length brunette hair swaying against her collarbones. She turns her head, watching as Lenka walks into the tent, a cloth around his nose and mouth along with his red hoodie, tattered and torn.

"I'm back." He says in a deep, calm voice as he pulls the cloth down from his mouth. Iroha glances, wondering since when did his voice turn? Was it after their mother died? Or much later. She must have been too busy trying to survive to notice the change. "Lenka, welcome back." She smiles, getting up from her small desk in the corner. Lenka was about her height now despite their age difference. He still had spiky black hair, slightly longer. Those mud green eyes of his were now darker, harder – like everyone else in the shelter. "Where'd you go?" Lenka takes off the gloves on his hands. "Just went out a little." He says. Iroha knows, knows that the young man was no longer the small child she held in her arms. He was now a protector, constantly endangering himself by going out alone to look for fuel and resources. She knew, she always knew. "Don't go too far by yourself." She says, a warm smile on her lips. Her eyebrows raised in protest, the smile fading when she spotted the cut on Lenka's arm.

"I just scratched it." He says calmly, sitting down on the floor as Iroha frowns. He had already discarded the torn hoodie and was hesitant to be treated again by his sister, but he knew this was a battle lost when it came to Iroha and her stubbornness. "You can't just leave it. What if it gets infected?" She says, carefully wrapping the bandage around the open wound on his arm. When she's done, she steps away to examine her work. Her eyes glim, noticing the broad back of the child who once cooed in her arms. That back was now larger than hers, filled with bruises and scars and callouses that she did not know. On instinct she puts a hand out, her fingers gently, slowly tracing a large scar on his back, along his spine. Had this been a cut from an aragami? Was it its fangs, or claws, or sharp horns? Did it hurt so bad he trembled and fainted? Her cold fingers trace downwards, closer to his spine. She felt the hardened skin on her fingers, a remembrance of his battles. Of how he was constantly protecting others at the cost of his own body. Something flashed in Iroha and her throat tightened. Had his skin always been so hard? Her fingers continued downwards, wanting to explore every nook and cranny of his back, his warmth, his skin. Iroha didn't know what got over her, but she couldn't peel her eyes away from the naked skin in front of her, _Lenka's_ body, the gentle warmness of him that he radiated only seemed to lure her closer.

"Nee-san." She didn't hear, her mind only whirling in all directions as she studied the scars closer. She wanted, _needed_ to feel his warmth against her skin. She needed to know the boy was alive, was breathing, and was hers to protect. "Nee-san." Lenka says louder, pulling Iroha away from her thoughts. "W-what is it?" Iroha says, hands in the air as if she was caught red-handed in things she shouldn't be thinking about. Her cheeks flushed slightly as swamp green eyes stared at her, his own cheeks slightly tinted as his lips pursed together in disdain. "It's ticklish." He mumbles, trying to look away and avert his gaze. Iroha swallows, her throat now too dry and her fingers itched to touch his warm back again. "It's almost time to assemble. We should go." He gets up from the floor, back facing her. Iroha only turns her head down, fumbling with her thumbs. "Yes." She says.

She watches as he pulls on the hoodie over his head. His black hair messy and vibrant skin no longer visible under the cloth. She turns her head, spying the dark blue cloak on the desk. She touches the soft material of the cloak, her mother's cloak. It was given to her by her mother, a good luck charm she said. It was her most prized possession besides the flower picture book hidden underneath the table. But now…. Someone else needed it. "Lenka." She says, the boy now turning his head back to fully look at her. She walks towards him with the cloak in her hands, "Take it." She says. Lenka blinks in surprise, not reaching his hands out. "Isn't that precious to you?" He asks, not letting her gaze leave his eyes. She walks closer, leaning so close that their hands brushed against each other. "I want you to have it. Here." She hands the cloak to him, their hands warm against each other. Lenka pulls the cloak, the soft material slipping through his fingers. "Alright. But why?" He asks, an eyebrow raised. He didn't quite understand, he only obeyed his beloved sister's wishes. If she wanted him to have it, he would take it without question. "It's a good luck charm." She says, a bittersweet smile on her lips. She thought about her mother's dying words, her frail hands; and she wanted to cry, to tremble – but no, she needed to be strong. She wraps the cloak around Lenka's broad shoulders, too broad for a fifteen-year-old. "So we'll always be together, right?" She asks, content as she surveyed the cloak on his shoulders. The cloak was a good-luck charm and right now, she needed to know Lenka would be safe. That he would come back from his battles. He would survive – she _needed_ to make sure of it.

"It looks good on you, Lenka."

* * *

"Lenka will turn fifteen tomorrow." The voice is cold, strict – the warmth of her father was long gone when mother died. "It's time, don't you think?" Iroha only blinks, not quite sure what her father was saying…. Until it hit her like lightning. "You can't possibly be suggesting…" He was going to tell Lenka that he had the aptitude to be a God Eater, that he had a chance of survival in this dying world; but that meant… "You're going to send Lenka to Fenrir?!" She yells, her voice high-pitched. No, she feared this day would come, _knew_ it would come; but she was not ready to accept it. It was too soon, _too_ soon. "We won't last much longer out here." Her father says, a head of white hair evident of the tiredness in his eyes. Iroha clenched her fists, biting her lower lip until it drew blood.

"Even so…" She whispers. She didn't want to leave Lenka, didn't want to separate from him. She had grown up with him for fifteen years, and now she was never going to see him again. She was never going to see the person she _loved_ again. "I'm against it! I don't want our family to split up!" She yells, looking straight into her father's cold eyes. She starts to think for an excuse, for _anything_ that could convince her father from his ideas. She wasn't going to let Lenka leave, she wanted to be by his side every day, to be _his_ even when she wasn't.

"Have you forgotten your mother's last words?" The words hit her like a blade to her chest. Her mother, on her deathbed – sacrificed for Lenka, to live and one day overturn this world. "Sometimes you have to choose between two things." Her father said and her lips trembled. No, she didn't want to _choose_ again. Not again. Not _him_. "And that moment…. Deep down, you knew the answer too, didn't you?" She gulped. She indeed knew too, that his only chance of survival was inside Fenrir's gates. The emblem of the wolf, the crimson stained wolf, humanity's last hope. "But…." She mumbles, still not wanting to go down that easily. She didn't want Lenka to be separated from them, from her. Before she could think of another argument, glass shattered and screams echoed.

* * *

Rocks and concrete crumbled everywhere. Screams and yells for help ringing in her ears. It was too quick, too fast – the building broke from what weight she didn't know and now only bodied and belongings were trapped underneath the broken building. She didn't know what to feel, to think – this place was her home for the past decade. Her only safe haven from aragami, her only shelter; and now it was nothing but ashes and blood. She leaned against a bloodied brick wall, trying to gasp for air as she silently sobbed. Her home was gone and there was no place to run, to hide, to survive. How would Lenka react when he came back?

 _Lenka_.

She turns her head up, eyes darting with fear and determination. He was gone before the attack happened, that meant he was somewhere else, right? He had to be alive, right? She scrambled to her feet, clenching her fists. "Lenka." She whispers, only eager to see swamp green eyes and his broad back. She needed to see him, feel him – she didn't know what she would do if something happened to him.

"God, please…" The voice was harsh and desperate, a prayer which would never be heard. Iroha whips towards the voice, running and avoiding rocks and metals as she ran. She spies a body on the ground, kneeling in front of a broken table, her table. "Lenka!" She yells, noting the black hair and the dark blue cloak on his shoulders. He was alive, alive, alive. Her heart clenched and her lips threatened to tremble. "Nee-san!" Lenka yelled, turning his head to see her eyes. She ran, not caring for the crumbling ground. She only stared right at worried and hardened green eyes, the blood on his forehead – he was alive and that was the only thing that mattered now. She ran into his large arms, his gentle warmness caressing her cold body. She smiled, her hands wrapped around his back so tight she was worried if she let go he would vanish into thin air. But Lenka didn't mind, his own large hands wrapped around her waist as their foreheads touched and they breathed sighs of relief. "Where's Dad?" Lenka asks. "He hid in a different shelter, I hope he's okay." She replies, her hand intertwined with Lenka's. He only hardened his gaze, a look of protectiveness and determination as he pressed back into her palms. "I found fuel. Let's go." He says, Iroha nods. Iroha puts her emotions away and tightens her fists as well. "This way." She says, letting go of his hand as she turns a corner. They ran as fast as they could towards the northwest direction, avoiding glass and stones until they spied a familiar white-haired head and black framed glasses.

"Dad!" Lenka yells. Iroha's eyes water, relief when she noticed he was alive. "You're both alright!" Her father yells, struggling beneath the blocks of cement crushing against his back. "Wait, I'll get this off right now!" Lenka yells, pushing a block of cement wall with his bare hands as hard as he could; but it didn't budge one bit. Lenka had a look of sheer determination and strength, he wasn't going to leave his father, _never_. Iroha looked around, trying to find anything that could maybe move the boulder away. Her eyes dart carefully, but her heart clenches in fear when she spies scales and bloodied fangs in the distance. She takes a step back and furrows her brows, quickly running towards the cement wall to push with all her might alongside Lenka. They didn't have time, aragami were coming, but she wasn't going to abandon her father. No, anything but leave him to die here. She pushes with all her strength, not worried about the cuts on her palms or the blood trickling down; she only hoped for the boulder to move, to free her father. The aragami came closer, their growls so loud her father trembled, his mouth dry and his lips only trembled as he bit down on it. "It's fine." He says, a cold calm that interrupts both Iroha and Lenka from their pushing.

"Run!" He yells, hardened grey eyes so tired and determined. Lenka's eyes widen, only shaking his head. "I hid a motorbike for times like these, just in case. Iroha knows where it is." Iroha couldn't move her lips, couldn't yell or scream. She knew the motorbike was hidden in a storage house a little from here, her father said it was for emergencies with very little fuel in the tank. They had kept it from the others, claiming it was their failsafe. Her shoulders shake and her knees buckle, realizing that it was time to _choose_ again. "Run, and live you two!" Her father yells, not batting an eyelash at the aragami approaching. Lenka's doesn't budge from the boulder, clenching his teeth. He didn't understand, didn't want to understand – he wasn't going to run away. "What are you talking about?!" He yells, a voice reserved for rare moments when he was angry. "I'll get this off you right now! We will run together! I am not abandoning you!" He yells, weight pushing the boulder so hard it screeched. He was too stubborn, too kind, too selfless to abandon his father; and his father knew too. He turned his head to his daughter, the only person capable of moving Lenka. "Iroha, you know what you need to do." His father says, Iroha only cries, salty tears running down her cheeks.

She had to choose, again. A choice between her father dying, or all three of them dying. It was an obvious choice, so clear like the bright sun looking at them from above. She didn't want to choose again, she didn't want to abandon her father and let him die just to save herself; but she wasn't just saving herself, she was saving….

"Lenka!" She yelled.

And that took more priority than her own life. She ran towards him, still trying to push the boulder away with bruised and red palms. "Let's go!" She yells. "No, I'm not abandoni-" His words are cut short when Iroha's palm meet his cheek. She didn't have time to persuade him, to convince him of the pros and cons, all she needed right now was for him to _live_. An expression of hurt and stunned surprise stared back her, his fingers cupping his own bruised cheek. A look of betrayal on his face, but she didn't turn back, didn't change her decision. She clenched her teeth and swallowed hard, the tears now stopping. "Lenka." She whispered. A soft gentle tone he knew all too well, a tone she reserved for desperate moments, an order. Lenka knew what choice she had made already at that moment. "You must survive." She whispers, but Lenka only stares back, still stunned and refusing to let go of his father. Iroha doesn't wait, she grabs his hand in hers and runs in the other direction, towards the motorbike. "Iroha, I entrust Lenka to you." Her father says with a warm gentle smile. She pulls the cloth from the machine, already turning the knob in the ignition as it roared to life. The aragami are now only behind them, turning towards her father as she ran with all her strength. She didn't look back, not when she heard the aragami's growls. "Dad!" Lenka yells, half trying to run back to his side, to stop their teeth from sinking into his father's flesh, to stop the blood from splattering on the ground.

"Get on!" She yells, Lenka rushing onto the bike and his feet firm on the pedals. Iroha turns her head, several aragami already within arms distance. she jumps onto the bike, her hands wrapped tightly around Lenka's waist. The aragami were now directly behind her, so close to her she could feel their breaths and the fresh blood on their teeth. _Her father's blood._ "Hurry!' Iroha yells, urging Lenka to step on the gas. Lenka nods, the bike now speeding up but a large monkey-like aragami, a kongou, is already behind her, teeth glistening with blood as its claws scratched onto Iroha's leg, blood trickling down. She bites her lip, suppressing a moan of pain as she clenched her fists against Lenka's waist. "Nee-san!" He yells, worry and anger in his eyes. "I'm fine." She says, so fast that she could have fooled even herself. The aragami are now too far in the distance, her father's body nowhere to be seen. "Where do we head now?" Lenka asks. Their home was nothing but rubble and ashes, their parents gone, and now…

"South." Her voice is forced, suppressing a sob. She didn't want to tell him, not when they would be separated for good. However, she knew what she needed to do, for Lenka's sake. She needed to be strong, her mother said. She couldn't be selfish and hope for a future of her with Lenka, together under an apple tree, smiling. No, he needed to survive in this cruel world – and she would make sure of it even if she didn't. She pulls the worn compass from her pocket, an item she hoped she would never have to use.

"Head south."

* * *

"Here." Lenka's voice was so gentle she could have sworn he would have chewed the small ration of food for her to swallow if she had asked. His hardened swamp green eyes looked at her, worried and scared… for _her_. She took the half piece of ration in her hand, eyeing the small piece of food as her stomach growled in protest. They hadn't eaten in days and were too busy running from aragami after their fuel went out. She held the ration close to her lips, trying to bite it but all she could think of was the unbearable pain in her right ankle. Her hands trembled, not able to allow her to the comfort of food.

The inside of the abandoned building was cold, chilly, too dark and unfamiliar. She couldn't remember the last time she was out in the open in the dark, where aragami were likely to roam around.

She missed home, the comfort of small sources of light and heat, food, and her parents; but that comfort was gone, along with her parents as well. She had no home anymore, the only remaining proof of _home_ was the person who remained by her side throughout all these years.

* * *

Iroha would have turned twenty in a few months. She would have asked to spend the day with Lenka and her father, talking and laughing as they watched the beautiful sunset. It was a simple request, one that could never be fulfilled. Not when she lost her home, her father, and now she didn't know if she would survive as well. South was far, they were too far away from Fenrir's far east branch, it would take months by foot. As days past, the less hope she had to see Lenka enter those thick black gates safely. She thought day and night of the ways she should tell him, that he was to be a God Eater, that he had a chance at survival. Would he be relieved, be happy? And what would his reaction be again when she would tell him she could not be allowed to enter the gates with him. Even if she was….

She would not make it. She knew deep down, her body was weak and in pain – she was shutting down. But she was selfish, she wanted to be with him, the boy with hardened eyes and a voice so gentle and determined. She wanted _him_. She didn't know when did it start, or when she actually admitted to herself that her, _his sister_ , was in love with him. Lenka was everything a girl would want – strong, handsome, determined, loyal and gentle. Even if Lenka had no interest in other girls his age and only focused on getting stronger to protect the people he loved, Iroha saw that trait as something valuable, something she saw and realized he was the one, _the one_. For fifteen years they had grown up together, holding each other's hands and looking out for each other. Iroha should be ashamed, should be condemned for her selfish thoughts – but she couldn't deny it; she loved Lenka more than her own life and was willing to do anything to make sure he survived. She loved him so strong, so passionate, and all she dreamt of was being in his arms and watching his eyes on her as they twirled in a field of flowers. She hoped that the protectiveness Lenka had over her was more than sibling love, that maybe… maybe… he felt something for her too. Maybe if she told him that they weren't siblings by blood, he would love her the way she did too. However, she knew it was wrong, she was his older sister, and Lenka thought that too, and he would never return her feelings.

She dragged herself through the sand, her feet tired and strained. Her body felt cold and heavy, so heavy that she had to bite her lower lip and force herself to walk. She once again thought of that dream she envisioned, a field of flowers and greenery, her parents, Lenka; all laughing and peaceful. She watches as the sunset grew into a gradient of colors, sweat beading down her forehead. The sunset was so pretty, it would have been just like a day like this. Her birthday would have been as beautiful as the sunset. And Lenka, Lenka would be there.

Iroha blinked, eyes so hazy as she dragged through the sand. Her legs were tired, and her eyes were darting around from the exhaustion. Her body screamed in protest, urging her to stop, to sleep, but aragami were everywhere and she was not safe, Lenka was not safe. But her body screamed at her, her mind blank and empty as she looked up at the sunset. Her body gave out, the wound on her feet somehow numbed from the pain as she closed her eyes. Her body tumbled backward, not being able to stand.

"Nee-san!" She heard a yell, but she couldn't open her eyes. She was too tired, exhausted, cold. She wanted to be in her dream with Lenka and her parents, red tulips blooming so brightly. "Nee-san!" A pair of strong arms slid around her waist, familiar slender fingers and rough callouses she recognized in a heartbeat. He held her in his arms, yelling her name and shook her; but Iroha didn't want to wake up, not when her dreams were an escape from the harsh reality.

* * *

Her lips trembled in fear, eyes darting at the wound as Lenka unbandaged it carefully. Her fingers trembled, and she didn't dare move, didn't dare swallow – the pain was only excruciatingly intense and burning on her bones. She didn't dare imagine what was happening to the wound now. Lenka opens the bloodied bandages, eyes widening at the sight. Iroha only closed her eyes before she sighed. The infection was too serious, bacteria and organisms scattered around the bloodied wound.

 _Her time was up._

She watched as Lenka clicked his tongue, carefully examining the wound as if he would be able to heal her with just a look. He didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to think about it; his sister was going to _die_ and leave him. He wouldn't accept it, he would drag her along with him until they found another shelter, another hideout; and he would get help to treat her. She would live, he _needed_ to believe that. Iroha had said to head south, south must have been where another shelter was. If she could hold on a few more weeks, Lenka would save her – even if it meant sacrificing himself.

"Lenka, you need to run." Iroha said. Lenka's eyes widened, looking up at her. "Take this." She hands him the compass, the cold metal in his hands. "What's down south?" He asks, eyes watching every movement of her. "Fenrir." Lenka raises an eyebrow. "Fenrir? Of the God eaters?" He asked. "You'll be allowed in." His throat goes dry, from the thirst or the shock he doesn't know. "You passed the test." Her words only shock him further. He gasps, eyebrows furrowed. "Then why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't we all go to Fenrir?" He yelled. "We didn't want to… separate from you." Iroha said. Lenka only looked with confusion. "You're not my brother, Lenka. You're not our blood relative." Iroha mumbles, a look of sadness and regret in her eyes. She was going to tell him the truth, she would complete the mission her parents gave her – Lenka would survive, and even if she couldn't be by his side anymore that would be enough. "Eh?" He asked, confusion all over his face.

Several ogretails slipped into the place, their growls so quiet and teeth sharp that neither of them realized. "Fifteen years ago, you were abandoned as a child and we took you in. We just… couldn't tell you. We didn't want you to leave. I'm so… so sorry." Her voice was sob, a truth she hid from the boy she loved for fifteen years finally slipped out of her tongue today. Lenka's voice morphs into sadness and betrayal, his voice trembling. "You're… not my family?" He asked. Iroha's eyes widened, lips trembling. "No! You will always be my family. We… didn't want to let you go. We were selfish. I… I was selfish." Iroha said, tears streaming down her face. The hurt on his face broke her, the look of betrayal in his eyes made her stomach churn. "We will always be family." She said, staring into beautiful glassy green eyes. She reached a hand out to his face, her cold fingers so warm against his cheek, his skin so smooth and gentle – and she wanted to tell him everything. Tell him the love she had hidden from him for all these years, the feelings she had for him and him only; he knew they weren't blood-related, now was the time… before, before…. Her time was up.

Aragami entered the room, two orgetails immediately spotting them in the corner of the room. Lenka stiffens, not making a move but only stare in shock at her, then back at the aragami. Iroha closes her eyes and swallows hard. Her time was up, and she knew what she needed to do. "Run, Lenka. I can't walk any further." Iroha said, holding onto his warm hand as she handed him the compass. Those rough callouses and large fingers would never hold her again, would never touch her skin again.

"Are you crazy?! I would never leave you!" Lenka yelled, pulling her into an embrace so tight she cried. It was the first intimate touch he initiated in years, and especially after he knew they weren't blood-related anymore. Iroha cried, eyes widened in shock. His back was still large and broad, his embrace so warm and reminded her of home, a place of peace and safety. This would be enough, she never asked for anything in return for her feelings. She never expected him to return her one-sided feelings, she only wanted him to live even she couldn't. This was enough, she was satisfied. She had no regrets, except…

"You're such a hopeless brother." Iroha says, a warm smile on her lips as she closed her eyes. Ears only picking up the closing footsteps of aragami and their growls as she reached for the dagger on Lenka's ankle, the firm handle of it so cold against her palm. She savored the warm Lenka gave her, the memories they had, the love Lenka poured for her even if they weren't blood siblings. He had loved her, even if it wasn't the same kind of love she gave to him. Iroha smiled, pulling the dagger with one swift movement, and without a moment of hesitation cuts in through her neck. The pain is instantaneous, crimson blood trickling down her neck so fast Lenka didn't have time to register. "Nee-san!" Lenka yells, his pants ragged and heavy as he panics, barely reaching out to her. He catches her waist in his arms a moment later, not caring about the aragami approaching their backs. He didn't care if he died, he only wanted, _needed_ for his sister, the girl who took her in and looked after her for fifteen years, to _live_. Betrayal flashed in his eyes, his hands on her cold neck trying to stop the bleeding desperately.

"This was the only way… to make you leave me." Iroha mumbled, eyes hazy. Lenka gasped, a tear sliding down his mud green eyes. How long had it been since he cried? Iroha couldn't quite remember. She thought maybe it was her mother's funeral. Had it been that long? Had Lenka been that strong to vow to protect and never allowed himself even the luxury of weakness in tears? "If anything had happened… we promised to put your life first. That was what…. Mom, Dad and I wanted." She whispered, tears escaping her glassy eyes as a warm tear splattered against her cheek, _Lenka's tears._ "For my sake?" Lenka asked, eyes so hurt and sad. Iroha reached a hand out to cup his cheek, remembering the skin of his beautiful face one last time. "That day… you had been left abandoned in the mud." She whispered, remembering the day like it was yesterday. "But to me, you were like the lotus flower that bloomed in the mud." She says, her voice breaking but still determined. She smiles, a warm genuine smile as she says, "Did you know I picked your name?". A sob escapes Lenka's throat, warm tears running down his cheeks. He clenched his fists and bit his lower lip, but he couldn't stop, his heart hurt so much he didn't know what to think or do.

Iroha sobs too, the tears flowing down both their faces as she struggled to smile, wanting to let Lenka see her smile before he left, his last memory of _her_. Iroha remembers her mother's last words, her father's gentle orders – as she points a bloodied finger to the exit. "Be strong, Lenka." She whispers, suppressing another sob as Lenka continues to cry, heartbroken. "Don't pray in a world abandoned by gods." She clenches her teeth and hardens her amber brown eyes. "And someday…. Overturn this world." Someday, Lenka would become a strong God Eater and save countless others. He would change this world, she knew it. She didn't have to be alive to know it. She could throw away her selfish dreams with Lenka if it meant changing the future for many others.

Lenka gets up from the ground, lips trembling and eyes red as he clenched the bloodied dagger. He suppressed a sob and hardened his gaze, swallowing a choked sob as his feet moved. He ran, bloodied worn out boots crunched against the ground – but he didn't dare look back. To see his sister's face one more time, to hear her gentle voice again. Iroha smiled, leaning against the metal door as aragamis approached her. Lenka ran until she could no longer see his broad back, the back she so desperately wanted to be held in. Iroha thought back to the moments when he tried to protect her as a child. Even then, he was strong and selfless, choosing to protect her in a world so cruel.

 _Maybe that was when she knew she loved him._

"Is that so…" She whispers, eyes widening in shock. She had loved him then and there, and maybe she had always known but wanted to pretend she didn't. "I'm sorry." She whispered, lips trembling as growls of aragami sounded. She was never the pure sister her parents and Lenka had expected her to be. She fell in love with her younger brother… and her parents surely would never have accepted it. "Mom, Dad…" She whispered, a sob escaping her lips as she thought of her dead parents. Their last wish was always to protect Lenka, even if he wasn't their born child. Lenka always had the hearts of my family, he was so bright and loving we could never abandon him. Even then… Iroha thought of the day she saw him in the mud. She knew that day, Lenka _saved_ all of them from the aragami; even if he did not know. She knew, and it was a debt they were to repay. Soon, she would join her parents in repaying this debt to Lenka. Maybe this was their fate, that when Lenka saved their lives they would have to give up their lives for him too; but she did not blame fate, she did not regret her decisions. She was willing to die for Lenka, for the love of her life.

She stared right back at the aragami only inches away from her, razor-sharp teeth so fitting for her neck. She wasn't scared, no... she would be with her parents, she would be in a dream. A dream she always envisioned. A dream of a field of flowers and green trees, the wind so calm and the water so clean and serene. She reached a hand out to the air, the exit in which Lenka had just run towards. She thought of Lenka in that field of flowers, waiting for her on the other side. She would run to his side and bury her face in his broad chest. He would wrap his arms around her so protective and tight as they smiled, peaceful. She would look into his eyes and finally say the words she so desperately wanted to all these years.

Her lips so dry and her tears stung her eyes as she whispered, **"I love you, Lenka."**.

Aragami chewed down on her flesh, blood splattering on the wall behind her as she only stared in the air with tears streaming down her face.

* * *

The summer sun was so bright and shined vibrantly in the sky, the flutter of people walking on the pavement sweating and panting in the summer heat. The traffic lights turned, cars speeding and changing into lanes as people continued on with their daily lives. Iroha watered the numerous plants in her greenhouse, from beautiful pink peonies, to red tulips, white daisies, sunflowers, and yellow camellias. Iroha hummed to a tune, happily watering as she heard the sound of a chime in the door. She turns her head and pats her hands dry on the apron. Her brunette hair long and curly to her waist, sways as she sprints for the door.

"Coming!" She says. She pulls the apron from her body, patting the dirt away from her jeans as she walked through the glass doors, spying the silhouette of a young man in his early twenties. She stops in front of the man, a warm smile on her face. The man had spiky black hair and was dressed casually in dark jeans, sneakers and a red hoodie. He turns his head back, glassy green eyes so vibrant Iroha stopped in her tracks. Iroha gasped, eyes blinking so rapidly as she looked at the handsome young face, the familiar black hair framed so carefully around a face of determination and strength. "I'm looking for flowers for my mother. Do you have any recommendations?" He asks calmly, staring at the woman with brunette hair. Iroha doesn't respond, shock in her system as her eyes cascade to Lenka. "Miss?" He asks again. Iroha only bites her lower lip, seeming to pull herself out of a trance. "Y-yes. What's the occasion?" Lenka blinks, shrugging off the odd look she had on her face. "My mother was recently hospitalized. I… want something that symbolizes my love for her. She has always had a weak heart and I want to protect her, love her with everything I have." He says, careful calm on his face.

Iroha smiles, a smile so wide and warm that even the boy couldn't stop looking. She walked towards a small puddle of water in a tank, crouching down as she signaled for the man to follow behind her. "Then these should work just great." She replies, showing the man an array of beautiful flowers with wide pointed petals in pink, white and yellow. All with large leaves and stems to protect the beautiful bud of the flower, floating on the water. "Lotus flowers?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. Iroha smiles, looking up at stunning swamp green pupils. "Just like the love for your mother, it is so strong and beautiful like the lotus flower, able to withstand any wind or rain." Iroha says. "It grows up in the darkest of places to be the most stunning vibrant flower to light up the dark."

The boy widens his eyes, surprise evident as he holds out his hand, a lotus flower handed to him. "I'm sure your mother will love it, Lenka."

* * *

Okay, i rewatched God Eater for like the second time and i still could not stop the feelstrain. I was so desperate for some happy ending that i just had to write this. I basically started writing this last night and guess what i wrote 10k words lol. I played Gods Eater burst about five years ago and i'm pretty sure i wrote a few fanfics about GEB when i was first starting on writing. I remember i wrote a few centered on Soma and eventually something a little longer with Alisa and Soma based on the God eater: The 2nd break manga. Even after so many years, i still feel a strong attachment towards God eater franchise and damn i just love the anime so much! Ufotable did an amazing job with the anime and i just can't believe they haven't done a season 2 or decided to continue it. THAT FORESHADOWING OF LINDOW AND SHIO c'mon people don't do this to the fandom we want a season 2 :(

Let me know what you think about this and if you cried your balls out because the first time i watched this episode i did...


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